Let's be friends!

The Importance of Friendships

Humans are social beings. Our interaction with others is a crucial part of how we develop our sense of self-worth and feel accepted and connected. For children, forming friendships is an important part of their social-emotional development. However, socially emerging children may face challenges in making and maintaining friendships. This can include behaviours such as being physically aggressive, overly demanding, ‘bossy’, impatient, or inflexible. As a result, these children may face rejection by peers, leading to a cycle of social exclusion due to a lack of adaptive skills and strategies that are essential for forming and sustaining positive peer relationships.

This article focuses on typical friendship development in young children and does not include considerations for situations where there are language differences, cultural barriers, or additional developmental needs.

Children’s Changing Friendship Patterns

Birth to 2 years: At this stage, children begin to respond to each other and show interest in other children, particularly those slightly older. They are often fascinated by observing the actions of their peers.

2 to 3 years old: Children typically begin to develop playmates, often those they meet regularly in childcare settings or family environments.

3 to 4 years old: Friendships are often based on shared toys or activities. Children at this stage may say things like, “My best friend is Christopher and we play on the fire engines,” or “Grace is my friend – she has lots of Duplo.”

5 to 6 years old: While still primarily self-focused, children start to understand that others have different perspectives and needs. Friendships may be short-lived and based on immediate interests, such as “Mandeep is my friend ‘cos he plays football when I want.”

(Adapted from Advanced Early Years for Foundation Degrees & Levels 4/5 by Iain Macleod-Brudenell and Janet Kay)

How does the school help?

School acts as a training ground for social development and friendship-building. Teachers play a vital role in supporting social-emotional development by creating nurturing and inclusive environments. Here are some strategies schools may use:

Encouraging interactive play: By offering ample opportunities for children to play with peers of different personalities, children gain valuable experience in social interactions.

Teaching prosocial behaviour: Lessons on empathy, kindness, sharing, and cooperation can be taught during non-confrontational moments like circle time.

Thoughtful intervention: Teachers step in when necessary to ensure a safe environment but also allow children space to negotiate and resolve minor conflicts independently.

Building resilience and problem-solving skills: Teachers can help children adopt a “give and take” attitude, encouraging them to consider different viewpoints, explore a range of solutions, and adopt positive strategies for conflict resolution like using kind words, sharing or turn-taking.

How may parents help?

According to Bandura’s (1977) Social Learning Theory, children learn by observing and imitating the behaviour of significant adults, not just through direct instruction. Skinner’s (1957) theory of positive reinforcement also supports the idea that praising desired behaviours as they occur increases the likelihood of those behaviours being repeated. Parents can support their children’s social development and friendship skills by:

Modelling appropriate behaviour: Demonstrate positive social interactions through your own friendships and interactions with others.

Engaging in meaningful play: Play with your child in an equal and positive manner—respond to their ideas, actively listen, and contribute to their play activities. This helps them internalize socially competent behaviours and builds confidence.

Talking about social behaviour: Discuss what behaviours are appropriate in different social situations and why. Explain the value of empathy, patience, and cooperation.

By working hand-in-hand, both schools and families can lay a strong foundation for children to develop lasting, healthy friendships.